Category Archives: Worst Books

The Invisible Life of Addie Le Rue: Improbable, Excessive Adjectives and Many Smoky Eyes

People on Goodreads really like V.E. Schwab’s The Invisible Life of Addie Le Rue and so do all the readers that kept it on the bestseller list for ages. I do not. Heretic!

Sure it has some of the vibes of The Time Travellers Wife (which against my better judgement I loved) and a little bit of The Shadow of the Wind in that the devil features alongside used bookshops, but despite these cousins in delightful bath reads, this one is a dud.

Following Addie Le Rue after she makes an ill-advised deal with the devil for “freedom” but finds herself cursed to live forever without ever being remembered by anyone (making it impossible to do all sorts of practical things like earn money or have an apartment or write things down – all these petty annoyances catalogued over hundreds of dull pages), the novel is something of a romance when Addie meets the also-cursed Henry and falls in love (Henry’s curse is for anyone who meets him to fall in love with him – which doesn’t sound so bad if you ask me). Then we have to spend several hundred pages attentive to whether Addie will find a way to convince the devil who BY THE WAY has become her lover over the past three hundred years (which doesn’t seem nearly long enough for the eternal being of the dark, but quibbles) to let Henry go.

No, the most annoying part? Like all these sorts of epics – let’s call The Hundred Year Old Man syndrome – Addie finds herself in altogether too many improbable historically significant moments and meeting altogether too many historically significant people. I mean she’s only three hundred years old. There aren’t that many wars and revolutions and discoveries and Moments in 300 years and yet she finds herself in the middle of all of them. Literally hanging out at the cafes with Voltaire and then watching Franz Ferdinand get shot – though strangely quiet all through the Depression.

I know this is not a book premised on being believable, and surely there has to be a way to keep a reader engaged through 300 borning years of history that are otherwise just her waiting for her annual date with the devil and for her eventual meeting with Henry. But – stick with me – let me suggest then that this would be much better rewritten as a short story, or maybe a 200 page novel with a couple of choice historical scenes. As it is… bloated and boring.

And this reader wanted to like it for its faintly feminist whisper at the outset of a 17th century woman not wanting to marry and have children. But the of course, we couldn’t have this be a Good Romance without having her give it all up three hundred years later for a man – with bewitching green eyes and rumpled bedsheets. GROSS. (not that I have anything against green eyes, per se, but you get what I mean).

Oh – final point of complaint. It is the kind of writing that finds the only way to describe something is to describe it with three adjectives – always. Like the air is always moist, dank and dreary. And Henry is always charming, witty and kind. Enough!

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The Book of Joan: Underwhelming

I have a generally favourable opinion of books that get included in the the New York Times top 100 of the year, and there’s never been a better time to read a dystopian novel that shares shattering similarities to the present but sheesh this one was a thump lump No.

Lidia Yuknavitch’s The Book of Joan is set sometime in the near future when earth has run out of resources or climate change has destroyed those resources or some combination, and what remains of humanity has taken to a space-pod where reproduction has failed and is living itself out in barbie-style bodies with ill defined purpose and organization. What is mostly clear is that scarification is some kind of marker of wealth and prestige, and so people walk around with layered grafts of scars that this reader found unsettling to contemplate.

Our protagonist, Christine, is some kind of skin grafting genius capable of writing full narratives in scars, and in some, again ill defined, way is supposed to be resisting the powers in charge of the space-pod, with the uninspired name Jean de Men, by writing the story of a powerful eco-activist, Joan (aka: Joan of Arc) onto her body.

It’s never clear how this writing is supposed to change anything, but then, isn’t that the promise of all art – that it will make some measurable change in an immeasurable way, shift culture or politics through the radicalness of its writing (or music, or art, or dance, or or or). Which, let’s be clear, I do believe art has this capacity, my problem in the Book of Joan is that the aims are so buried in science fiction uncertainty (like where are we in space, and time, and politics) or maybe more precisely that the world building is so opaque that the reader barely cares to find out if art will succeed in changing anything because the stakes of the change are so difficult to place.

Please do find yourself some comforting dystopian book that will make our current circumstances more reasonable (I cannot imagine what such a book might be), but let it not be this one.

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Hello Beautiful: What is the word for syrup when it’s spread across the pages of a novel.

Given the extremely limited time I have available for reading given my other commitments to staring absently out the window looking for explanations of How It Has All Come To This and What We Are To Do, I was extremely annoyed by Ann Napolitano’s Hello Beautiful for taking up weeks of my reading time with the faint promise that it might realize itself into something good. It does not.

We follow Julia, Sylvie, Cecelia, and Emeline (lest we maybe miss the parallels to Little Women the book is sure to include direct scenes where the sisters act out or talk about being similar to those characters. Nothing inspires more confidence as a reader that your author trusts you that having the author literally explain the intended parallel) as they try to find love and purpose and family and meaning. Julia – type A extraordinary is only satisfied when she is giving order to someone else’s life and only feels herself come into her true power as a mother (#sure #whynot #ummm) – marries the ‘broken’ William (as with so much in this book any possible opportunity to make a theme literal is seized – so here the emotionally broken William who has absentee parents breaks his… knee. Again and again). But of course her sister, Sylvie, (like the Plath!) is on a quest for True Love (#sure #whynot #ummm) and ends up with William because they are soul mates who can see the brokenness of one another and “hold space” for that with one another. The other sisters do some things, too, and they are all trying to make sense of what it might be like to be adults without parents taking care of them, and to sort out where the bonds of sisterhood reach limits.

But please. It’s so saccharine and pat and convinced that you are not a reader who can be trusted to just understand a theme unless it is painfully explained.

I will not do the same. The thrust of this review is…. _________.

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Apples Never Fall: Bor-ing

Liane Moriarty books are supposed to be delightful page turners of silly mysteries. Apples Never Fall tries to be the same – the wife/mother disappears in the first pages and we go back and forth in time trying to understand how and why – but it’s just boring. Not enough at stake, or who cares, or is there really a mystery here or did she just get fed up and drive off. Anyway, if you are looking for a follow-up to Big Little Lies or State of Terror this is Not The One. Move on.

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