Category Archives: Worst Books

The Book of Joan: Underwhelming

I have a generally favourable opinion of books that get included in the the New York Times top 100 of the year, and there’s never been a better time to read a dystopian novel that shares shattering similarities to the present but sheesh this one was a thump lump No.

Lidia Yuknavitch’s The Book of Joan is set sometime in the near future when earth has run out of resources or climate change has destroyed those resources or some combination, and what remains of humanity has taken to a space-pod where reproduction has failed and is living itself out in barbie-style bodies with ill defined purpose and organization. What is mostly clear is that scarification is some kind of marker of wealth and prestige, and so people walk around with layered grafts of scars that this reader found unsettling to contemplate.

Our protagonist, Christine, is some kind of skin grafting genius capable of writing full narratives in scars, and in some, again ill defined, way is supposed to be resisting the powers in charge of the space-pod, with the uninspired name Jean de Men, by writing the story of a powerful eco-activist, Joan (aka: Joan of Arc) onto her body.

It’s never clear how this writing is supposed to change anything, but then, isn’t that the promise of all art – that it will make some measurable change in an immeasurable way, shift culture or politics through the radicalness of its writing (or music, or art, or dance, or or or). Which, let’s be clear, I do believe art has this capacity, my problem in the Book of Joan is that the aims are so buried in science fiction uncertainty (like where are we in space, and time, and politics) or maybe more precisely that the world building is so opaque that the reader barely cares to find out if art will succeed in changing anything because the stakes of the change are so difficult to place.

Please do find yourself some comforting dystopian book that will make our current circumstances more reasonable (I cannot imagine what such a book might be), but let it not be this one.

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Hello Beautiful: What is the word for syrup when it’s spread across the pages of a novel.

Given the extremely limited time I have available for reading given my other commitments to staring absently out the window looking for explanations of How It Has All Come To This and What We Are To Do, I was extremely annoyed by Ann Napolitano’s Hello Beautiful for taking up weeks of my reading time with the faint promise that it might realize itself into something good. It does not.

We follow Julia, Sylvie, Cecelia, and Emeline (lest we maybe miss the parallels to Little Women the book is sure to include direct scenes where the sisters act out or talk about being similar to those characters. Nothing inspires more confidence as a reader that your author trusts you that having the author literally explain the intended parallel) as they try to find love and purpose and family and meaning. Julia – type A extraordinary is only satisfied when she is giving order to someone else’s life and only feels herself come into her true power as a mother (#sure #whynot #ummm) – marries the ‘broken’ William (as with so much in this book any possible opportunity to make a theme literal is seized – so here the emotionally broken William who has absentee parents breaks his… knee. Again and again). But of course her sister, Sylvie, (like the Plath!) is on a quest for True Love (#sure #whynot #ummm) and ends up with William because they are soul mates who can see the brokenness of one another and “hold space” for that with one another. The other sisters do some things, too, and they are all trying to make sense of what it might be like to be adults without parents taking care of them, and to sort out where the bonds of sisterhood reach limits.

But please. It’s so saccharine and pat and convinced that you are not a reader who can be trusted to just understand a theme unless it is painfully explained.

I will not do the same. The thrust of this review is…. _________.

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Apples Never Fall: Bor-ing

Liane Moriarty books are supposed to be delightful page turners of silly mysteries. Apples Never Fall tries to be the same – the wife/mother disappears in the first pages and we go back and forth in time trying to understand how and why – but it’s just boring. Not enough at stake, or who cares, or is there really a mystery here or did she just get fed up and drive off. Anyway, if you are looking for a follow-up to Big Little Lies or State of Terror this is Not The One. Move on.

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The Guest List: As Silly As You’d Guess

Today I unintentionally dressed myself and the small human in matching outfits. We’re at that point. Also the point at which I read trashy airport novels unironically and enjoy them enough to finish. Lucy Foley’s The Guest List is extremely silly. Told from the perspectives of the bridal party (and a few guests) at an exclusive wedding held on a remote island, it’s a murder mystery that is as easy to solve as it is hilarious in its dun-dun-dun finish to every. single. chapter. It is not at all good unless your basic criteria is a book that does not require any thought and is magical in its anticipation of its movie adaptation. Which, tbh, is a pretty compelling set of reasons for reading it in These Times. I am likely mere days away from putting flowered bows on the small human’s very bald head. Send help.

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